


A smile, a laugh, a tragedy

by pomonasprout



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-30 02:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18306596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pomonasprout/pseuds/pomonasprout
Summary: When Remus was 11 years old, he finally learned what it meant to have friends.Some of the things Remus learned in life.





	A smile, a laugh, a tragedy

When Remus was 11 years old, he finally learned what it meant to have friends. He learned that to have friends meant having someone to share his time with, someone to help him with his homework and someone he could offer his own aid in return to, someone to have whispered conversations with after the sun had set and he was supposed to be asleep, someone who sneaked into his bed to punch his shoulder and ask him what he’d been up to that day. Even when the dormitory had long since fallen silent and he couldn’t see anything in the compact darkness, he could feel Sirius’ smile, mere inches from his own.

When Remus was 14 years old, he learned what it meant to fall in love. He learned that to be in love meant that every time he saw Sirius, his stomach fluttered, that his mood brightened every time Sirius gave him attention, that his skin burned every time Sirius touched him, that the last thing he thought about before falling asleep at night was Sirius’ smile. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do about his feelings and for the time being, it didn’t bother him. He was happy to love Sirius from a metaphorical distance, because after all, Sirius smiled more at Remus than at anyone else.

When Remus was 15 years old, he learned what it meant to have his heart broken. He learned that to have his heart broken meant watching Sirius parade around the hallways, hand in hand with his new girlfriend, watching them share an armchair in the common room every evening, watching them share kisses before and during classes. He refused to acknowledge the hollow feeling in his chest and when James asked him what was going on, he gave an noncommittal sound in response. Sirius still smiled at Remus more often than not, though not as often as he smiled at his girlfriend.

When Remus was 16 years old, he learned what it means to have his heart mended. He learned that to have his heart mended meant wanting to burst from happiness, wanting to touch Sirius all the time, wanting to tell McGonagall go do something unmentionable to herself when she told Sirius to go sit somewhere that wasn’t next to Remus. They spent what felt like hours every evening in Sirius’ bed, kissing and touching and having mumbling conversations about everything they were gonna do together once they were done with school. Sirius smiled and called him a cheesy git when Remus told him that he didn’t much care what he did as long as he was doing it with Sirius.

When Remus was 21 years old, he re-learned what it meant to have his heart broken. He learned that a broken heart could come from having two of your best friends be brutally murdered, from finding out that the reason they’d been murdered was that their best friend, Remus’ boyfriend, had betrayed them, from coming home to an empty flat where everything from the large clock on the wall to the very ceiling whispered about memories of happier times. Remus sat on the couch every evening, staring out into open space, usually with a glass of Firewhisky in his hand. Once in a while, his eyes strayed to the photo of himself and Sirius sitting on the book shelf. Sirius was smiling at the Remus in the picture, and the Remus that was sitting on the couch never bothered fighting the tears anymore.

When Remus was 34 years old, he learned what it meant to have his will to live being reignited. He learned that to have his will to live being reignited meant being filled with heat from top to bottom, being something that resembled happy, being able to think to himself that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance he wouldn’t grow old alone. When Sirius had to flee, Remus didn’t get the chance to say goodbye, but he didn’t miss the way Sirius smiled at him for a fleeting moment in the Shrieking Shack.

When Remus was 36 years old, he learned what it meant to watch the love of his life be ripped away permanently. He learned that to watch the love of his life be ripped away permanently meant having his insides turn to stone, having every last trace of hope in his chest vanish, having the vague sense of happiness that had been building up inside him over the last two years be cruelly torn out by the roots. He watched as the curse hit Sirius in the chest and made him stumble backwards, heard Harry’s screams and on pure instinct rushed forward to hold him back.

Sirius smiled at Remus as he disappeared.

It was the first and last time Remus didn’t smile back at Sirius.

**Author's Note:**

> Another little drabble, one I wrote two years ago or so (I think), hope you liked it!♡


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